Waiting, waiting, waiting....

Don't ask me what provoked me to visit the Minnesota's Waiting Children website just a few minutes ago, but I did and now I must spill my feelings.

I happened to come across a woman on TV that has adopted like 15, or maybe it was 17, children. Thirteen of whom have Down's. Knowing the mom of a large family now myself, I'm finding that large families really intrigue me. So I Googled the woman on TV, read more about her and her family and then found myself visiting MN's Waiting Children for the first time in nearly six months. I hadn't looked at those faces since shortly after Zoey moved in and I checked to see if she had been removed from the list of available kids. Earlier in the evening I had thought to myself "I wonder how long they'd make us wait to adopt again?" To be perfectly honest, I haven't been sure lately about future plans to adopt or even to foster. We have one hell of a hard kid right now (now I could make the joke - and a toddler OR and a 16 year old) Point being I have 2 demanding kids as it is! Could I really survive any more? As the website loaded and I began to scroll through the faces, many all too familiar as they've been on there for years now, rationality seemed to escape me and all I could feel was anger and sadness. With each passing day these kids get closer and closer to aging out. It makes me so frustrated. I then realized that unless I dig my head into the sand and forget I know about these kids, these waiting children, how can I not adopt more? Not only that, but I am "experienced" now. I have needed skills and strengths to parent these terribly hurt and demanding kids. The quote "if not now, when? if not you, who?" comes to mind.

Dan and I would like to have at least one more biological child. I'd like to experience being pregnant again and we'd like to try for a son, even Zoey has been asking me almost daily now when will we have another baby. I think it is too soon to try right now, I just don't think I could handle being pregnant now and in the immediate future, but we know we'd like at least one more. I'd try to do an infant adoption, since I believe so much in adoption, but I would like to be pregnant one more time. I enjoyed my pregnancy with Maddie so much I actually miss it! Maddie and I were getting dressed today, just doing normal routine things and I just had this moment when I said to myself "this is your bliss." I can be with my kids doing nothing really and feel so joyful. They definitely drive me nuts but I wouldn't trade them for anything. I'm wondering now if I have what it takes to adopt more. Not 15. I'll leave that to the pro's! *waving at Paula* But there is an adorable sibling group of 4....